Do you know an unhappy high tech leader?
/When I’m at a networking event and someone asks me why I’m there, I often say, “I’m looking for unhappy high tech leaders.” When they say they are one or know one, that’s my opening to find out what’s going on and what they want to do about it.
One thing I’ve discovered is that experienced high tech leaders often do not have their happiness as a priority. With lots of other demands, it doesn’t get any attention and they stay unhappy. With consequences.
Do you lead or know and care about an unhappy high tech leader? Here are some things to consider.
Defining happiness
Everyone is unique, but there are some common themes in what you might see that contribute to an experienced high tech leader’s being happy or unhappy.
What contributes to their being happy
Having balance between professional responsibilities and personal life. Having time to pursue personal interests, be with family, and relax.
Doing work that is meaningful and impactful. Finding joy in contributing to innovative projects that have the potential to change the world.
Making professional achievements and getting recognition from peers and superiors. Success and acknowledgment in their field boost their morale and job satisfaction.
Having autonomy and control over their work and the direction of their projects, including the freedom to make decisions and the flexibility to innovate.
Having a supportive and positive work environment, characterized by good relationships with colleagues and a culture of respect and collaboration.
Continuously learning and developing. High tech leaders are often happiest when they can grow their skills and knowledge.
Financial stability and compensation reflecting their hard work and expertise.
Maintaining health and well-being through exercise, proper nutrition, and stress management.
Aligning with a larger purpose or mission, especially one that resonates with their values and aspirations. Contributing to something greater than themselves.
The ability to experiment and express creativity without undue restrictions.
What contributes to their being unhappy
Experiencing persistent stress and burnout, including feeling overwhelmed by workloads, experiencing constant pressure, and suffering from physical and emotional exhaustion.
Having difficulty in balancing professional responsibilities with personal life, leading to feelings of neglect in either domain.
Performing tasks that do not align with personal values or interests, or feeling that their work lacks meaning and impact, contributes to a sense of dissatisfaction.
Feeling isolated from peers or having strained relationships with colleagues and subordinates, significantly impacting emotional well-being.
Feeling undervalued or unrecognized for their efforts and contributions.
Experiencing micromanagement or having limited control over their work.
Having limited opportunities for personal and professional growth, learning, and advancement, leading to feelings of stagnation and dissatisfaction.
Being under-compensated relative to their efforts, skills, or industry standards, causing financial stress and resentment.
Neglecting physical and mental health due to work demands, leading to chronic health issues, fatigue, and a general sense of unhappiness.
Working in an environment where personal values and organizational culture or ethics are not aligned.
Other factors
These factors are primarily work or profession related. Of course, the factors related to the leader’s family/parenting, relationships, spirituality, health/aging, and fun/recreation also contribute to their happiness or unhappiness.
At any given moment, the combination and the weight of each of these factors determines a high tech leader’s degree of happiness. Over time, this mindset varies, depending on the accumulating effects of the contributing factors.
“Happiness is not a destination; it is a way of life.”
Reasons for NOT pursuing being happier
An experienced high tech leader would likely accept some degree of unhappiness rather than risk the consequences of making a change. The reasons they wouldn’t pursue being happier might include:
It might be judged/perceived (and misconstrued) as a sign of weakness, or complacency, or lack of resilience, or lack of dedication, or lack of ambition, and thus be a threat to job security.
It would be threatening to their current (and believed successful) professional identity, which might include being unemotional, logical, and practical.
It would be difficult/impossible to challenge the organization’s cultural norms that glorify long hours, high stress and heroism.
It would be a distraction, inconsistent with focus on achievement, innovation, and meeting deadlines.
It would lead to changes that are potentially risky and uncertain.
It is an unrealistic goal to pursue given the demands of leadership with little time for self-reflection or personal development.
It would feel wrong to pursue being happier when others are struggling or facing challenges.
They are not aware of their unhappiness or the opportunity to change it. They might be so focused on their work that they have not taken the time to assess their own well-being.
Certainly, there are more reasons than these, and they’re all compelling and challenging. Holding onto them means the leader remains unhappy or waiting (with little likelihood) for something to change.
But, really, who wants to stay unhappy?
Happiness isn’t a “nice to have”
The connection between being happy or unhappy and leadership performance is significant.
A happy leader (a leader with a happy mindset) is more motivated, innovative, resilient, and collaborative, leading to improved decision-making, customer satisfaction, and organizational success. A leader’s happiness influences the mood and interactions of those around them and can create a more positive atmosphere that enhances overall well-being. Even small moments of happiness can serve as a buffer against negative emotions and promote psychological well-being and can boost performance. Happiness has been linked to numerous health benefits, including reduced stress levels, improved immune function, and lower risk of chronic diseases.
Conversely, a leader’s unhappy mindset can impede their performance, and the performance of those in their sphere of influence, leading to disengagement, poor decision-making, and negative impacts on their health and well-being.
“Most people chase success at work, thinking that will make them happy. The truth is that happiness at work will make you successful.” - Alexander Kjerulf
Toward being happier
Rather than feeling (and staying) unhappy, a leader can reframe the challenges against being happier into opportunities to move toward being happier, to get unstuck in their unhappiness, one step at a time.
Here are some general guidelines toward being happier.
Don’t get hung up on the word happiness. If it helps, pick another, like success or satisfaction or fulfillment.
Define what happiness is for you. What are the factors that contribute to / diminish it? What does it feel like at this moment?
Develop/practice self-awareness. Notice your mindset. Notice what’s going on in and around you. Track it in some way. Journaling can help.
When you notice you’re unhappy, consider making an effort to shift out of it now. Like taking a break to clear your head, or mindfully breathing, or becoming present in whatever way works for you.
Know and choose what you can change in yourself and your environment.
Accept what you can’t change and use that as a starting point on a different path.
Practice kindness, compassion, giving, gratitude. Even small acts and moments can contribute to your happiness.
Practice self-care. Exercise. Get plenty of sleep. Be mindful of what you consume (food, drink, drugs, news, social media).
Do it your way. The factors which contribute your mindset being happy or unhappy are unique to you, so the specific approach and practices you adopt to be happier are also unique.
Don’t go it alone. Get guidance and support from mentors, peers, coaches, and/or therapy.
Happiness is a choice. Which of these choices could you encourage your unhappy leader to take?
“The most important trick to be happy is to realize that happiness is a choice that you make and a skill that you develop. You choose to be happy, and then you work at it. It’s just like building muscles.” – Tim Ferriss
My approach to leadership coaching is focused on leadership attitude, mindset and energy. I coach Positive Intelligence® and Energy Leadership™ and practices contributing to being happier, including self-discovery, awareness, non-judgment, acceptance, and compassion, especially for experienced and senior high tech leaders.
If you are feeling inspired to build, reestablish, or further develop these and other leadership practices, check out my Energy and Mindset Reboot Program, and find out what it can do for you in a free 30-minute Saboteur Discovery Session.
“Don’t underestimate the importance of happiness. As long as you’re happy,
who cares what you do?” – John Lennon